This week a black boy, a South High school graduate/ "supposed" basketball star, was shot and killed while trying to break into and rob someone else's house. And now he get's bulletins like this ""R.I.P JOHN CARSON" SPRINGFIELD LEGEND" all across myspace.
So, you get killed trying to rob someone, and instead of everyone pointing out that you're an idiot, you're loved? How the fuck does that work? I mean, it's bad enough he was stupid enough to try and rob someone else, but add that to being stupid enough to do it and get shot? We should be using his story in elementary schools to show dumbass kids what not to do. Not praising him for it. And if he was white, we probably would be. But he's not. He was black. So of course, he's being immortalized. All the "G's," "hoodrats," "street teams," "gangstas," and "homies" are all crying outrage, legacy, "thug love." And who can blame them? I mean, all he was doing was trying to rob someone else. But seriously. Give me a fucking break. The dumbass tried to break into someone's house and steal their stuff. He deserved it. I only hope he bled and suffered a little bit before he died. If only so he learned a lesson before he died. Give it a week and I'm sure the liberals will be using this as a reason for pushing Gun Control. I can see the arguments now:
"This poor BLACK man was simply trying to get by, and this fool thought he had the right to protect himself, and shoot anyone dumb enough to try and take his stuff. Outrage!!"
Now at this point, the majority of my readers are probably shaking their heads and calling me a racist. Soon the town mob will come banging on my door crying out for blood because I'm discriminating, hating, and supporting bigotry. Let them. At this point, I could care less. I cannot stand the stupidity. The ignorance must be stopped. We are a society that is slowly slipping away into nothingness. And of course, my liberal brethren will find a way to blame this on George W, like they do everything else, from baldness to high gas prices. But face the truth. Our society has been dying long before even Bush Sr. was in office. I'm not even sure where to lay blame. But currently i see the infectious disease in our music, our movies, our news, our books, our clothes, our speech. Everything!! Take this for instance. I was wasting my time on Myspace, and was looking up some music when I stumbled across "Young Jeezy's" picture on the main page, with a link. I clicked, listening to the jungle beats, and browsed the comments many people had left. Now the first question in my mind is "What the fuck is a "Jeezy?" followed quickly by... "What language are these comments in?"
"WUS HOOD MY NIGGA ACE BOOG. OF BODYMORE MURDERLAND. REA RECOGNIZE REAL! KEEP IT STREET MY NIGGA! OUT!"
"What Up My Dude? I'm Just Coming Thru To Give U Some Props For What U Doing Out There In Da Game! Keep Doing Ya Thang...Cause They Can't Band The Snowman! Cheaaaa....Ayeeeeeeee!"
"wat it dew playa, keep doin it 4 da streets my nigga, you jus keep gettin better and better each time u come out wit new songs. im definately gettin dat inspiration CD,cant wait for it... jus keep doin ya thang my nigga you doin a great job aight... duce"
"A dawg u is my nigga mane.....a lot of niggas done gave up on u but not me bruh I tell errbody I fucks wit Jeezy, anybody who don't FUCK U"
"Whats Crackin Cuh Cant Wait Till December 12th you know so i could cop thug inspiration 3 times ya digg and Ima Put All My Homies On It Aight Cuhz"
"YA BOI FEELINDA ALBUM MAN CTE OH NIGGA YOU ON DAT FIRE CRIP FLAG UP 4 YA MAN SOUTH CAROLINA BOI GOT YA BACK YA NEED US HIT US UP WE N DA A NOW"
I mean seriously. Will someone please.... EXPLAIN this to me. I have no idea what any of those mean. These people worship him. He is even referred to as "The Snowman" because he used to be a cocaine dealer. So I guess that somehow makes him cooler? I don't understand it. It blows my mind. Take Curtis James Jackson III for instance. He is popular because he was shot 9 times. How is that cool? OO, I'm awesome because I don't know how to wear my hat straight. Or because I wear a band-aid on my face. Or because I don't understand the function of a belt. I'm cool because I've got more metal in my mouth, than i do in my kitchen.
The ignorance must stop. Someone must take a stand somewhere. If people continue to do nothing, we are going to slip into nothingness. I mean, seriously. Conservatives? You must just not have the balls to say anything because you're terrified that the NAACP and the rest of the liberals out there will get angry and yell at you. Liberals? I'm going to supply you with all the motivation you need. Famed rapper Curtis James Jackson III, aka "50 Cent" said that if it wasn't for his felonies barring him, he would have voted for George W. Bush, and he has supported him in the past. That right there should be enough for you to take action.
So, I feel better now that I've ranted and raved for a bit, but this is not a closed subject. Something must be done. We need to take a stand against stupidity and ignorance.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Historic Victory for Diebold!
November 8, 2006
written by Ann Coulter
from www.anncoulter.com
History was made this week! For the first time in four election cycles, Democrats are not attacking the Diebold Corp. the day after the election, accusing it of rigging its voting machines. I guess Diebold has finally been vindicated.
So the left won the House and also Nicaragua. They've had a good week. At least they don't have their finger on the atom bomb yet.
Democrats support surrender in Iraq, higher taxes and the impeachment of President Bush. They just won an election by pretending to be against all three.
Jon Tester, Bob Casey Jr., Heath Shuler, possibly Jim Webb — I've never seen so much raw testosterone in my life. The smell of sweaty jockstraps from the "new Democrats" is overwhelming.
Having predicted this paltry Democrat win, my next prediction is how long it will take all these new "gun totin' Democrats" to be fitted for leotards.
Now that they've won their elections and don't have to deal with the hicks anymore, Tester can cut lose the infernal buzz cut, Casey can start taking "Emily's List" money, and Webb can go back to writing more incestuously homoerotic fiction ... and just in time for Christmas!
But according to the media, this week's election results are a mandate for pulling out of Iraq (except in Connecticut where pro-war Joe Lieberman walloped anti-war "Ned the Red" Lamont).
In fact, if the Democrats' pathetic gains in a sixth-year election are a statement about the war in Iraq, Americans must love the war! As Roll Call put it back when Clinton was president: "Simply put, the party controlling the White House nearly always loses House seats in midterm elections" — especially in the sixth year.
In Franklin D. Roosevelt's sixth year in 1938, Democrats lost 71 seats in the House and six in the Senate.
In Dwight Eisenhower's sixth year in 1958, Republicans lost 47 House seats, 13 in the Senate.
In John F. Kennedy/Lyndon Johnson's sixth year, Democrats lost 47 seats in the House and three in the Senate.
In Richard Nixon/Gerald Ford's sixth year in office in 1974, Republicans lost 43 House seats and three Senate seats.
Even America's greatest president, Ronald Reagan, lost five House seats and eight Senate seats in his sixth year in office.
But in the middle of what the media tell us is a massively unpopular war, the Democrats picked up about 30 House seats and five to six Senate seats in a sixth-year election, with lots of seats still too close to call. Only for half-brights with absolutely no concept of yesterday is this a "tsunami" — as MSNBC calls it — rather than the death throes of a dying party.
During eight years of Clinton — the man Democrats tell us was the greatest campaigner ever, a political genius, a heartthrob, Elvis! — Republicans picked up a total of 49 House seats and nine Senate seats in two midterm elections. Also, when Clinton won the presidency in 1992, his party actually lost 10 seats in the House — only the second time in the 20th century that a party won the White House but lost seats in the House.
Meanwhile, the Democrats' epic victory this week, about which songs will be sung for generations, means that in two midterm elections Democrats were only able to pick up about 30 seats in the House and four seats in the Senate — and that's assuming they pick up every seat that is currently too close to call. (The Democrats' total gain is less than this week's gain because Bush won six House and two Senate seats in the first midterm election.)
So however you cut it, this midterm proves that the Iraq war is at least more popular than Bill Clinton was.
In a choice between Republicans' "Stay until we win" Iraq policy or the Democrats' "Stay, leave ... stay for a while then leave ... redeploy and then come back ... leave and stay ... cut and run ... win, lose or draw policy," I guess Americans prefer the Republican policy.
The Democrats say we need a "new direction" in Iraq. Yeah, it's called "reverse." Democrats keep talking about a new military strategy in Iraq. How exactly is cut-and-run a new strategy? The French have been doing it for years. The Democrats are calling their new plan for Iraq "Operation Somalia."
The Democrats certainly have their work cut out for them. They have only two years to release as many terrorists as possible and lock up as many Republicans as they can. Republicans better get that body armor for the troops the Democrats are always carping about — and fast. The troops are going to need it for their backs.
written by Ann Coulter
from www.anncoulter.com
History was made this week! For the first time in four election cycles, Democrats are not attacking the Diebold Corp. the day after the election, accusing it of rigging its voting machines. I guess Diebold has finally been vindicated.
So the left won the House and also Nicaragua. They've had a good week. At least they don't have their finger on the atom bomb yet.
Democrats support surrender in Iraq, higher taxes and the impeachment of President Bush. They just won an election by pretending to be against all three.
Jon Tester, Bob Casey Jr., Heath Shuler, possibly Jim Webb — I've never seen so much raw testosterone in my life. The smell of sweaty jockstraps from the "new Democrats" is overwhelming.
Having predicted this paltry Democrat win, my next prediction is how long it will take all these new "gun totin' Democrats" to be fitted for leotards.
Now that they've won their elections and don't have to deal with the hicks anymore, Tester can cut lose the infernal buzz cut, Casey can start taking "Emily's List" money, and Webb can go back to writing more incestuously homoerotic fiction ... and just in time for Christmas!
But according to the media, this week's election results are a mandate for pulling out of Iraq (except in Connecticut where pro-war Joe Lieberman walloped anti-war "Ned the Red" Lamont).
In fact, if the Democrats' pathetic gains in a sixth-year election are a statement about the war in Iraq, Americans must love the war! As Roll Call put it back when Clinton was president: "Simply put, the party controlling the White House nearly always loses House seats in midterm elections" — especially in the sixth year.
In Franklin D. Roosevelt's sixth year in 1938, Democrats lost 71 seats in the House and six in the Senate.
In Dwight Eisenhower's sixth year in 1958, Republicans lost 47 House seats, 13 in the Senate.
In John F. Kennedy/Lyndon Johnson's sixth year, Democrats lost 47 seats in the House and three in the Senate.
In Richard Nixon/Gerald Ford's sixth year in office in 1974, Republicans lost 43 House seats and three Senate seats.
Even America's greatest president, Ronald Reagan, lost five House seats and eight Senate seats in his sixth year in office.
But in the middle of what the media tell us is a massively unpopular war, the Democrats picked up about 30 House seats and five to six Senate seats in a sixth-year election, with lots of seats still too close to call. Only for half-brights with absolutely no concept of yesterday is this a "tsunami" — as MSNBC calls it — rather than the death throes of a dying party.
During eight years of Clinton — the man Democrats tell us was the greatest campaigner ever, a political genius, a heartthrob, Elvis! — Republicans picked up a total of 49 House seats and nine Senate seats in two midterm elections. Also, when Clinton won the presidency in 1992, his party actually lost 10 seats in the House — only the second time in the 20th century that a party won the White House but lost seats in the House.
Meanwhile, the Democrats' epic victory this week, about which songs will be sung for generations, means that in two midterm elections Democrats were only able to pick up about 30 seats in the House and four seats in the Senate — and that's assuming they pick up every seat that is currently too close to call. (The Democrats' total gain is less than this week's gain because Bush won six House and two Senate seats in the first midterm election.)
So however you cut it, this midterm proves that the Iraq war is at least more popular than Bill Clinton was.
In a choice between Republicans' "Stay until we win" Iraq policy or the Democrats' "Stay, leave ... stay for a while then leave ... redeploy and then come back ... leave and stay ... cut and run ... win, lose or draw policy," I guess Americans prefer the Republican policy.
The Democrats say we need a "new direction" in Iraq. Yeah, it's called "reverse." Democrats keep talking about a new military strategy in Iraq. How exactly is cut-and-run a new strategy? The French have been doing it for years. The Democrats are calling their new plan for Iraq "Operation Somalia."
The Democrats certainly have their work cut out for them. They have only two years to release as many terrorists as possible and lock up as many Republicans as they can. Republicans better get that body armor for the troops the Democrats are always carping about — and fast. The troops are going to need it for their backs.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Get a Damned Job!!!
So, it's currently 1:37 AM, and I have to be up at 8am. I should be asleep correct? Yes. But I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Instead, I write. Prepare thineself. Of course, you're probably asking yourself, "I wonder what this sick bastard is writing?" Well, I can't answer that for you. Because I don't know yet. I'm just going to write, and eventually, something will come of it I'm sure. I mean, there's so much I want to talk about! I really should invest in a laptop, or get the net at my apartment so I can write whenever I want. Things pop into my head all the time, but I'm never around a computer where I can write it out, and it sucks.
I mean, I would sit in the hospital with Angela when she was in there, and things would just pop into my mind, but there was nowhere to record it. Of course, I hate writing on paper, so I would have had to find a computer. Or when I'm at Kroger, brilliant ideas and rants pop in and out of my mind, yet I can't record them. Another good instance is when I'm driving. I always think of topics and rants when I'm in my car. If I had a laptop, I would seriously pull over and type them out. One of these days I'll get one, I'm sure. O, and if you've never heard me rant in person, you haven't lived. I can talk, and boy when I talk, let me tell you, it's a thing of beauty. It's just this uncontrollable gift, and when I finally stop to breathe, the people around me are either visibly impressed, or horribly offended. I can get quite colorful in my speeches, regardless of the topic. The hypocrisy of the Christian Church, the endless circle that our government is in, the futility of explainign things to women. Ever heard me talk about the welfare system, and those that rely on it? It's a beautiful thing. But, that's not a topic I can easily sit down and write. Someone would have to get me fired up about it, and just record everything I say as I rant. It just comes to me.
I mean, let's be honest. Probably 70% of the people on welfare, don't actually need it. they just do it because they're lazy peices of human waste that figure "Why should they work, when the government buys their food for them?" It's one thing if they were working 40+ a week, and still not making enough to pull it off. But I get so heated when I'm at work aroudn the first of the month, and I see these fools walk into the store at 3pm in their PJ's and sandals, getting snotty with me because we're out of 2% milk, T-bones, pepsi 24 packs, 1 gallon buckets of ice cream, or Family Sized Oreos.. I just want to throw them to the ground and let loose. The governments money will still be on that little card tommorow! It's not going anywhere. I mean honestly. Why the hell can people get half the crap they get with food stamps anyways?! Shouldn't they be limited to essentials? Bread, milk, cereal, peanut butter, vegetables, and soups? Why the hell are they using my tax money to eat better than I do? What have they done special? They're not in poverty. They just can't keep it in their pants, and refuse to get a job. I mean, I've never been for abortion, but hell, if someone is gonna have a kid, and they don't have a job, isn't it our civil duty to NOT bring that child into the hell of a life it would have?
Ya know, you hear about school test scores dropping, and they blame it on teachers. (even though I've seen about 100 teachers get cut from our city schools in the past 2 years.) But it's not the teachers. It's the parents. Lazy, ignorant people are breeding, and their offspring are being raised to be lazy and ignorant as well. What the hell else do you expect? If 2 French have a kid, and raise him in France, chances are... he'll speak French, know the French lifestyle, and probably be a wimp, like the other French. He's not gonna pop out and start singing the Star Spangled Banner, speaking English, and have any testicular fortitude. That's just simple logic. So if you have 2 people who've been dependent on the welfare system, and have adapted to the amazingly plush lifestyle of not working, or even attempting to get a job, then they will raise someone in the same mindset. Why should he try hard in school? His parents didn't try and they have everything they need. Much like the character "Jigsaw" speaks of in the Saw Trilogy, people have lost the will to survive.
"John: The jigsaw piece that I cut from my subjects was only ever meant to be a symbol that that subject was missing something. A vital piece of the human puzzle. The survival instinct."
Of course, there will be exceptions. There always are. It's called evolution. No, I'm not saying I agree with a theory that says we all used to be monkeys.
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I'm saying that people adapt, and there are always anomalies. Out of all the crap that comes out of our society, somethign great will happen from time to time. Someone will be born who has higher expectations, and wants to make something out of themselves, and they will strive to acheive. And by something better I don't mean a football player, or a rap star, or anything like that. The majority of kids I went to school with were either "rappers" or sports players who were gonna "go pro." I'm talking about scientists, doctors, nurses, things like that. Even just a decent citizen. Someone that gives to squirts about other people, and about themselves. So, I guess this is my rant. I guess somethign did come out of just sitting down and writing. I feel much better. The moral of this article is... Get a damned job! For me, get a damned job. And maybe some birth control pills.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Ann coulter lays the smack down again
I dedicate this column to John Murtha, the reason soldiers invented fragging.
In response to the arguments of my opponents, I say: Waaaaaaaaaah! Boo hoo hoo!
If you're upset about what I said about the Witches of East Brunswick, try turning the page. Surely, I must have offended more than those four harpies. Wait 'til you get a load of what I say about liberals in the rest of the book! You haven't seen the half of it.
For snarling victims, my book is Christmas in July. Hey — where's Max the grenade-dropper? Let's keep this diaper-fest going all summer.
How about these pungent points:
— No liberal cause is defended with more dishonesty than abortion. No matter what else they pretend to care about from time to time — undermining national security, aiding terrorists, oppressing the middle class, freeing violent criminals — the single most important item on the Democrats' agenda is abortion. Indeed, abortion is the one issue the Democratic Party is willing to go to war over — except in the Muslim world, which is jam-packed with prohibitions on abortion, but going to war against a Muslim nation might also serve America's national security objectives. Liberals don't care about women. They care about destroying human life. To them, 2,200 military deaths in the entire course of a war in Iraq is unconscionable, but 1.3 million aborted babies in America every year is something to celebrate.
— Frederica A. Massiah-Jackson of the Philadelphia Common Pleas Court was known for shouting obscenities from the bench and identifying undercover policemen in open court. Bill Clinton nominated Massiah-Jackson to be a federal district court judge in 1997. Among other notable rulings, Judge Massiah-Jackson sentenced the brutal rapist of a 10-year-old girl to the statutory minimum and apologized to the rapist, saying: "I just don't think the five to 10 years is appropriate in this case even assuming you were found guilty." She refused to allow the district attorney to present a pre-sentence report or victim impact statement, saying: "What would be the point of that?" After his release, the defendant was rearrested for raping a 9-year-old boy.
Massiah-Jackson wasn't some random nut nominated by Clinton by accident, likeJanet Reno or Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She was a liberal heroine. The New York Times was in high dudgeon when Massiah-Jackson withdrew — and not because Massiah-Jackson had sneered atAIDS victims and rape victims ... The Times was in a snit because of the "judicial mugging" the Senate had put her through. Massiah-Jackson, the Times said, "now returns to the state bench, battered but with her honor intact. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the Senate."
— Liberals were afraid of a book that told the truth about IQ ("The Bell Curve") because they are godless secularists who do not believe humans are in God's image. Christians have no fear of hearing facts about genetic differences in IQ because we don't think humans are special because they are smart. There may be some advantages to being intelligent, but a lot of liberals appear to have high IQs, so, really, what's the point? After Hitler carried the secularists' philosophy to its grisly conclusion, liberals are terrified of making any comment that seems to acknowledge that there are any differences among groups of people — especially racial groups. It's difficult to have a simple conversation — much less engage in free-ranging, open scientific inquiry — when liberals are constantly rushing in with their rule book about what can and cannot be said.
— While gays were being decimated by the AIDS virus, U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop was more interested in not "stigmatizing" them than in saving their lives. See, where I come from, being dead also carries a certain type of stigma. Instead of distributing condoms in gay bars and at productions of the play "Rent," where they might have done some good, Koop insisted on distributing condoms in kindergarten classes, in order to emphasize the point that AIDS does not discriminate, which it does.
In 1987, New York Times reporter Maureen Dowd — before she was elevated to the cartoon pages — wrote a heroic portrait of the man. Dr. Koop, she said "fiercely wants to strip AIDS of its stigma," and for that reason, he talks "about making an animated educational video that would feature two condoms 'with little eyes on them' chatting, and about the need for 'gentle, nonmystifying' sex education for students, starting in kindergarten." I would pay quite a bit of money to hear someone describe anal sex — oh hell, make it any kind of sodomy — to a 5-year-old in a gentle, nonmystifying way.
Finally, a word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have written or said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can.
In response to the arguments of my opponents, I say: Waaaaaaaaaah! Boo hoo hoo!
If you're upset about what I said about the Witches of East Brunswick, try turning the page. Surely, I must have offended more than those four harpies. Wait 'til you get a load of what I say about liberals in the rest of the book! You haven't seen the half of it.
For snarling victims, my book is Christmas in July. Hey — where's Max the grenade-dropper? Let's keep this diaper-fest going all summer.
How about these pungent points:
— No liberal cause is defended with more dishonesty than abortion. No matter what else they pretend to care about from time to time — undermining national security, aiding terrorists, oppressing the middle class, freeing violent criminals — the single most important item on the Democrats' agenda is abortion. Indeed, abortion is the one issue the Democratic Party is willing to go to war over — except in the Muslim world, which is jam-packed with prohibitions on abortion, but going to war against a Muslim nation might also serve America's national security objectives. Liberals don't care about women. They care about destroying human life. To them, 2,200 military deaths in the entire course of a war in Iraq is unconscionable, but 1.3 million aborted babies in America every year is something to celebrate.
— Frederica A. Massiah-Jackson of the Philadelphia Common Pleas Court was known for shouting obscenities from the bench and identifying undercover policemen in open court. Bill Clinton nominated Massiah-Jackson to be a federal district court judge in 1997. Among other notable rulings, Judge Massiah-Jackson sentenced the brutal rapist of a 10-year-old girl to the statutory minimum and apologized to the rapist, saying: "I just don't think the five to 10 years is appropriate in this case even assuming you were found guilty." She refused to allow the district attorney to present a pre-sentence report or victim impact statement, saying: "What would be the point of that?" After his release, the defendant was rearrested for raping a 9-year-old boy.
Massiah-Jackson wasn't some random nut nominated by Clinton by accident, likeJanet Reno or Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She was a liberal heroine. The New York Times was in high dudgeon when Massiah-Jackson withdrew — and not because Massiah-Jackson had sneered atAIDS victims and rape victims ... The Times was in a snit because of the "judicial mugging" the Senate had put her through. Massiah-Jackson, the Times said, "now returns to the state bench, battered but with her honor intact. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the Senate."
— Liberals were afraid of a book that told the truth about IQ ("The Bell Curve") because they are godless secularists who do not believe humans are in God's image. Christians have no fear of hearing facts about genetic differences in IQ because we don't think humans are special because they are smart. There may be some advantages to being intelligent, but a lot of liberals appear to have high IQs, so, really, what's the point? After Hitler carried the secularists' philosophy to its grisly conclusion, liberals are terrified of making any comment that seems to acknowledge that there are any differences among groups of people — especially racial groups. It's difficult to have a simple conversation — much less engage in free-ranging, open scientific inquiry — when liberals are constantly rushing in with their rule book about what can and cannot be said.
— While gays were being decimated by the AIDS virus, U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop was more interested in not "stigmatizing" them than in saving their lives. See, where I come from, being dead also carries a certain type of stigma. Instead of distributing condoms in gay bars and at productions of the play "Rent," where they might have done some good, Koop insisted on distributing condoms in kindergarten classes, in order to emphasize the point that AIDS does not discriminate, which it does.
In 1987, New York Times reporter Maureen Dowd — before she was elevated to the cartoon pages — wrote a heroic portrait of the man. Dr. Koop, she said "fiercely wants to strip AIDS of its stigma," and for that reason, he talks "about making an animated educational video that would feature two condoms 'with little eyes on them' chatting, and about the need for 'gentle, nonmystifying' sex education for students, starting in kindergarten." I would pay quite a bit of money to hear someone describe anal sex — oh hell, make it any kind of sodomy — to a 5-year-old in a gentle, nonmystifying way.
Finally, a word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have written or said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Game Informer talks smack!
The video game world has a few games that are held above all others as paragons of brillian design and compelling gameplay. Even years after their release, these titles continue to be praised by fans and the press alike as timeless classics. So, why do all these game ssuck so much? Really, is it too much to ask that the greatest examples of our artform not be hampered with incomprehensible stories, sloppy gameplay, and god-awful graphics? Read on to find out why your favorite game just arent very good. Oh, and just to make sure weve made absolutely everyone mad, heres a list of other things that suck: Star Wars, anime, Arrested Development, puppy dogs, gummi bears, Lord of the Rings, ninjas, comic books, D & D, Kevin Smith movies, and pizza. Yuck!
Video games have long helped us escape the drudgery of our boring existence by allowing us to enter amazing worlds of fantasy. For example, what child doesnt dream of someday stepping into the shoes of... an overweight plumber with a gay cop mustache! for crap's sake, we at least expect our gaming avatars to have more exciting jobs than we do in real life. Yep, Mario sure is a great character, and so is Luigi, who is totally distinguishable from Mario because he wears different colored clothes. The save the princess storyline is trite, and even worse because you spend most of your time saving some weird guy named Toad instead. The levels are extremely simplistic and so is the gameplay, which largely revolves around bonking your head on bricks. Well say one thing for this game, at list its short; if you're good and you know your warp pipes, you can cruise thorugh it in under an hour. And did those underwater levels really suck that much when we were kids/ Answer: yes, they did; we just didnt know any better. So, yea, we respect the hell out of Super Mario Bros., as long as we dont actually have to play the damned thing.
Final Fantasy 7 is not your high school sweetheart. Just because it was the first one to break your heart doesnt mean that better games wont come along. In fact, FF VII's major lasting contribution to gaming (besides making nerds cry) is the prettiest male villain in history. Seriously, youd think the FF gang was dressed entirely in clothes left over from Duran Durans 1984 world tour. And what is Cloud doing while the fashionable yet feminine Sephiroth is destorying the world? Decorating weapons with jewelry, talking to a stuffed animal, and making birds do it. HEy, you can trush heroism... especially when your most powerful magic attacks clock in at a full minute. Its a sad day when watching a metallic space-dragon incinerate an entire hemisphere is just boring. Oh, and "One winged angel" is a Carmina Burana rip off. Deal with it.
Metal Gear Solid proves that to be considered a classic, all you need is a plot so convoluted that people are embarressed to dmit they don't understand it. Recessive genes? Ear pulling? Cyborg Ninjas? Throw it all in. The more jumbled the story, the harder it is to realize that you just snuick by a guard while wearing a cardboard box. It's a good thing the hobos down by the docks arent involved in nuclear politics; they've got more cardboard boxes than you can count. And if that doesn't sell it, the character names taken from an erectile dysfunction informational pamphlet will seal the deal. How does Solid Snake firmly defeat his flaccid counterpart? With the seemingly boundless military aresenal in his patns. Hey, Snake! Is that a nikita missle launcher in your pocket or are you just happy to see us? The only thing that could make thi sgame worse is a hero whose haircut make him look like the weird dude in your high school in the megadeth jean jacket who always hung out at the convenience store... oops!
Halo completely revolutionized the first person shooter genre. Or, thats what you might think if youd had your head shoved up your butt for the past 10 years and hadnt touched a PC game since the original doom. Heres yet another game that proves that greatness is more a matter of opinion. Sure compared to blodwake or any other of microsofts dreadful early xbox entries, this was a masterpiece, but the fact remains that haol is perhaps the most overrated game of all time. Hey do you like those levels? Good because your going to hgave to go back to them all again because Bungie couldnt manage to actually make a complete game. Halo also earns our ire for introducing the needler, the lamest and most useless weapon since the spitwad. On the plus side, halos whicles are a great way to experience what drunk driving feels like without risking your life on the freeway. Still not convinced? Lets not fail to mention master chief, a facelss game hero so free of charisma that he makes Vice President Dick Cheney seem like David Lee Roth by comparison, or the story, which is insipid scifi boilerplay not fit for the script to an episode of Cleopatra 2525.
Ah yes, the game that changed the world! Brilliant, mind blowing, visionary, and kind of crappy when you come right down to it. GTA 3 Proves that if you cant do one thing right, just do a whole bunch of stuff poorly. Combining mediocre racing, mediocre action, and a load of banal gangster movie cliches that comone probably scraped off the bottom of Martin Scorcese's italian loafers, GTA 3 offers a heaping helping of lukewarm gameplay to meathead jocks the world over. It's like the old country buffet of video games; you'll definitely get your fill, but the bad aftertaste left by the shoddy mechanics leave you with little more than regreats and a gut ache when you're done. Lets not even get into the tedious objectives - its not for nothing that this game resulted in the coining of the term "pizza delivery mission." Sadly, a lot of the 80 hours you spend in Liberty City arent much more exciting than working the night shift at Dominoes, but without the tips. In its defense, it does have a lot of swearing, which seem to be enough for the millions of unemployted 19 year olds in pit stained Eminem shirts that make up this game's target audience.
Video games have long helped us escape the drudgery of our boring existence by allowing us to enter amazing worlds of fantasy. For example, what child doesnt dream of someday stepping into the shoes of... an overweight plumber with a gay cop mustache! for crap's sake, we at least expect our gaming avatars to have more exciting jobs than we do in real life. Yep, Mario sure is a great character, and so is Luigi, who is totally distinguishable from Mario because he wears different colored clothes. The save the princess storyline is trite, and even worse because you spend most of your time saving some weird guy named Toad instead. The levels are extremely simplistic and so is the gameplay, which largely revolves around bonking your head on bricks. Well say one thing for this game, at list its short; if you're good and you know your warp pipes, you can cruise thorugh it in under an hour. And did those underwater levels really suck that much when we were kids/ Answer: yes, they did; we just didnt know any better. So, yea, we respect the hell out of Super Mario Bros., as long as we dont actually have to play the damned thing.
Final Fantasy 7 is not your high school sweetheart. Just because it was the first one to break your heart doesnt mean that better games wont come along. In fact, FF VII's major lasting contribution to gaming (besides making nerds cry) is the prettiest male villain in history. Seriously, youd think the FF gang was dressed entirely in clothes left over from Duran Durans 1984 world tour. And what is Cloud doing while the fashionable yet feminine Sephiroth is destorying the world? Decorating weapons with jewelry, talking to a stuffed animal, and making birds do it. HEy, you can trush heroism... especially when your most powerful magic attacks clock in at a full minute. Its a sad day when watching a metallic space-dragon incinerate an entire hemisphere is just boring. Oh, and "One winged angel" is a Carmina Burana rip off. Deal with it.
Metal Gear Solid proves that to be considered a classic, all you need is a plot so convoluted that people are embarressed to dmit they don't understand it. Recessive genes? Ear pulling? Cyborg Ninjas? Throw it all in. The more jumbled the story, the harder it is to realize that you just snuick by a guard while wearing a cardboard box. It's a good thing the hobos down by the docks arent involved in nuclear politics; they've got more cardboard boxes than you can count. And if that doesn't sell it, the character names taken from an erectile dysfunction informational pamphlet will seal the deal. How does Solid Snake firmly defeat his flaccid counterpart? With the seemingly boundless military aresenal in his patns. Hey, Snake! Is that a nikita missle launcher in your pocket or are you just happy to see us? The only thing that could make thi sgame worse is a hero whose haircut make him look like the weird dude in your high school in the megadeth jean jacket who always hung out at the convenience store... oops!
Halo completely revolutionized the first person shooter genre. Or, thats what you might think if youd had your head shoved up your butt for the past 10 years and hadnt touched a PC game since the original doom. Heres yet another game that proves that greatness is more a matter of opinion. Sure compared to blodwake or any other of microsofts dreadful early xbox entries, this was a masterpiece, but the fact remains that haol is perhaps the most overrated game of all time. Hey do you like those levels? Good because your going to hgave to go back to them all again because Bungie couldnt manage to actually make a complete game. Halo also earns our ire for introducing the needler, the lamest and most useless weapon since the spitwad. On the plus side, halos whicles are a great way to experience what drunk driving feels like without risking your life on the freeway. Still not convinced? Lets not fail to mention master chief, a facelss game hero so free of charisma that he makes Vice President Dick Cheney seem like David Lee Roth by comparison, or the story, which is insipid scifi boilerplay not fit for the script to an episode of Cleopatra 2525.
Ah yes, the game that changed the world! Brilliant, mind blowing, visionary, and kind of crappy when you come right down to it. GTA 3 Proves that if you cant do one thing right, just do a whole bunch of stuff poorly. Combining mediocre racing, mediocre action, and a load of banal gangster movie cliches that comone probably scraped off the bottom of Martin Scorcese's italian loafers, GTA 3 offers a heaping helping of lukewarm gameplay to meathead jocks the world over. It's like the old country buffet of video games; you'll definitely get your fill, but the bad aftertaste left by the shoddy mechanics leave you with little more than regreats and a gut ache when you're done. Lets not even get into the tedious objectives - its not for nothing that this game resulted in the coining of the term "pizza delivery mission." Sadly, a lot of the 80 hours you spend in Liberty City arent much more exciting than working the night shift at Dominoes, but without the tips. In its defense, it does have a lot of swearing, which seem to be enough for the millions of unemployted 19 year olds in pit stained Eminem shirts that make up this game's target audience.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Charlton Heston Share's His Wisdom
Some wisdom from Heston that I picked up while reading "In The Arena," his autobiography. Enjoy. I may come back with some love from Ann Coulter from her books, "Slander" and "Treason."
"Looking back now, trying to sum things up, I find it more puzzling than it used to be. "Whats it about charlie," indeed. A generation ago, though we were in a fierce inflationary spiral and the depths of the Cold War, it was unthinkable that a respected and intelligent head of a giant conglomerate would defend the marketing of a record celebrating the sexual abuse of young girls and the murder of policemen. Now the hcildren of that generation have grown up in the ruins of what was once the best system of public education on earth--barely literate, many of them hardly English-capable, too many more raised in fatherless welfare families.
Our borders are awash in immigrants, a large portion of them illegal, but all nonetheless qualified for the fruits of out welfare state, entitled to generous benefits, including not only voting in our elections on ballots in the language of their choice, but the education of their progeny in that language. This last is the most colossal blunder of the many made in supposed support of the young: to deliberately deny children, at any age when they learn most quickly, access to full command of th elanguage that can best offer them a chance at productive employment anywhere in the world in the twenty-first century can only be described as cruelty to children.
Multiculturalism is not only perceived as a virtue but a goal. I actually heard a young woman at an arts fund-raiser say, 'Well that's the motto on the U.S. currency, isn't it? ""E pluribus unum."" From one, many.'
"Actually you've got it backward," I said. The correct translation is 'From many, one.' As in one country."
No kidding? she said. "Well, whatever."
A columnist described the childhood of a welfare kid with brutal honesty: "first felony arrest at fourteen, becomes an absent father at sixteen, out of school at seventeen if he gets that far, with a diploma he can't read."
The senate chaplain, the Reverend Richard Halvorse, put it more fully: "We now demand freedom without restraint, rights without responsibility, choice without consequences, pleasure without pain. In our narcissistic, hedonictic, masochistic, valueless preoccupation, we are becoming a people dominated by lust, avarice, and greed." (Isn't it odd that th eCongress has a full-time chaplain who opens every session with a prayer-- which is forbidden in schools? How did we get to that?)
How did we get, for that matter, to the point where the ethical foundations of western civilization are now in question? The LA Times reported not long ago that some geneticists have advanced the possibility that much of what we've understood for thousands of years as failing in the human condition are in fact genetically imprinted in us at birth. Wife beating, obesity, alcoholism, murder... none of these our fault. Just think how that frees us! We are now responsible for nothing! There is no good nor evil; man is no longer burdened with free will. Old Thomas Jefferson's comment serves her, I think: "Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just."
Charlton Heston
"Looking back now, trying to sum things up, I find it more puzzling than it used to be. "Whats it about charlie," indeed. A generation ago, though we were in a fierce inflationary spiral and the depths of the Cold War, it was unthinkable that a respected and intelligent head of a giant conglomerate would defend the marketing of a record celebrating the sexual abuse of young girls and the murder of policemen. Now the hcildren of that generation have grown up in the ruins of what was once the best system of public education on earth--barely literate, many of them hardly English-capable, too many more raised in fatherless welfare families.
Our borders are awash in immigrants, a large portion of them illegal, but all nonetheless qualified for the fruits of out welfare state, entitled to generous benefits, including not only voting in our elections on ballots in the language of their choice, but the education of their progeny in that language. This last is the most colossal blunder of the many made in supposed support of the young: to deliberately deny children, at any age when they learn most quickly, access to full command of th elanguage that can best offer them a chance at productive employment anywhere in the world in the twenty-first century can only be described as cruelty to children.
Multiculturalism is not only perceived as a virtue but a goal. I actually heard a young woman at an arts fund-raiser say, 'Well that's the motto on the U.S. currency, isn't it? ""E pluribus unum."" From one, many.'
"Actually you've got it backward," I said. The correct translation is 'From many, one.' As in one country."
No kidding? she said. "Well, whatever."
A columnist described the childhood of a welfare kid with brutal honesty: "first felony arrest at fourteen, becomes an absent father at sixteen, out of school at seventeen if he gets that far, with a diploma he can't read."
The senate chaplain, the Reverend Richard Halvorse, put it more fully: "We now demand freedom without restraint, rights without responsibility, choice without consequences, pleasure without pain. In our narcissistic, hedonictic, masochistic, valueless preoccupation, we are becoming a people dominated by lust, avarice, and greed." (Isn't it odd that th eCongress has a full-time chaplain who opens every session with a prayer-- which is forbidden in schools? How did we get to that?)
How did we get, for that matter, to the point where the ethical foundations of western civilization are now in question? The LA Times reported not long ago that some geneticists have advanced the possibility that much of what we've understood for thousands of years as failing in the human condition are in fact genetically imprinted in us at birth. Wife beating, obesity, alcoholism, murder... none of these our fault. Just think how that frees us! We are now responsible for nothing! There is no good nor evil; man is no longer burdened with free will. Old Thomas Jefferson's comment serves her, I think: "Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just."
Charlton Heston
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